I won't see you anymore, or will I?
by Lensi
Summary: Kind of a missing scene from the episode Out of Sight, Out of Mind. WARNING: SUICIDE DESCRIPTION!


A/N: This is supposed to be a missing scene from the episode _Out of Sight, Out of Mind_, slightly altering the ending. It goes after the scene with the fake radio broadcast for Frank. _Italics_ means a dream, parts in *s are from the episode, though I'm afraid the lines are not correct. Sorry for that but I know this episode only from the Czech translation.  
WARNING: DESCRIPTION OF SUICIDE. DON'T READ IF YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT.

  


_* "Now Hawkeye, cover your eyes." Overman says as he puts off the bandages from Hawkeye's eyes. "Now slowly open your eyes." Hawkeye slowly opens his eyes and moves his hands a bit farther. "So?" Overman asks anxious to find out the condition of Hawkeye's eyesight. *  
  
"Why are the lights off?" Hawkeye asks puzzled and getting a bit nervous.  
  
Then BJ touches his shoulder and tells him "Hawk, it's morning. There's daylight."  
  
"Hawkeye, can you see any light now?" Overman asks pointing a flash of light right into Hawkeye's eyes.  
  
"No. What does that mean?" Hawkeye was fearing the worst.  
  
"I'm sorry. That means that the loss is permanent. You're blind now."  
  
Hawkeye just lay back on the cot, his face clearly showing the distress.  
  
'Blind. How can be a blind man a surgeon?'  
  
_ Hawkeye stirred on his cot in the Swamp. He put his hand over his head but now he felt the bandages on his eyes.  
  
'Blind. The word doesn't sound that bad.'  
  
'Blind. Hello, I'm dr. Pierce, your surgeon, and I'm blind.'  
  
'Now that's funny. Who would want a blind surgeon?'  
  
"BJ! Frank!" Hawkeye sat up on his cot. The only reply to him was the silence in the Swamp. He tried for a second time but the result was the same.  
  
He rose to his feet, put on his robe and wanted to go find someone. But before he made a step that idea struck him. Now that he is blind people don't want to know him. They don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. He sat down resignedly on his cot, despair overtaking him. How was his father going to react to his blindness? Was he going to ignore him just like the others?  
  
Now this was too much for him. He was never going to see anything, anyone, he won't be able to perform surgery anymore, people were ignoring him. What was he good for now?  
  
Then he came to a decision. He would end this once and for all. He stood up and felt his way towards the still. He took the glass and banged it against the table. Then he returned to the cot and lay down. He cut the veins in his forearms with the broken glass. Now, this was easy. He could do it even if he was blind. There was a content smile on his face as he thought that he was not going to suffer.  
  


* * *

  
  
BJ finished Private Benson's chart and returned it on its hook. He then moved to Private Edwards. When he wanted to take his pulse he realized that he didn't have his watch. "Lt. Gage? Watch it here for a while, will you? I forgot my watch in the Swamp."  
  
When he entered the Swamp, he saw Hawkeye lying on his cot. 'It must be terrible having nothing to do all day long.' he thought. 'No wonder he's still sleeping. He must be bored out of his mind.'  
  
He went to take his watch from the nightstand when he noticed the broken pieces of glass at the still. 'He must have been thirsty,' he though but then realized that there was not enough glass for a whole glass. He turned towards Hawkeye fearing what has happened. Then he spotted the dark spots on Hawkeye's purple robe. "Hawkeye?" he asked nervously, suspecting the worst.  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Hawkeye!" BJ jumped to his friend and started slapping him trying to bring him back to life. "Hawkeye!"  
  
"Blind. Why me?" Hawkeye muttered hardly audibly as he was again slowly losing consciousness.  
  
BJ grabbed his hands to inspect his wrists. He was horrified when he saw the cuts Hawkeye made with the broken glass. "Help!" he yelled. "Come anyone help me!"   
  
Klinger appeared out of nowhere and together they took him to Pre-op where Hawkeye was given some blood and then BJ sewed up his wrists.  
  
When they put him to Post-op, Colonel Potter called BJ to his office. "Hunnicutt, what has happened?"  
  
"I think he broke a glass and cut his wrists. I found him by chance when I returned to the Swamp to get my watch."  
  
"So you think he wanted to commit a suicide?"  
  
"Quite evidently."  
  
"OK. Time to call for Sidney."  
  
"Sir, can we wait until after Major Overman comes? I think that if has good news for Hawkeye, it might help him."  
  
"What makes you think that?"  
  
"Well, when I found him he was muttering something about being blind. I guess that if he realizes that he can see, he'll be fine."  
  
"And what if he doesn't see anymore?"  
  
"Then we'll call for Sidney."  
  
"OK. But someone has to watch him closely."  
  
"I'll do that, sir. Thank you."  
  


* * *

  
  
Three hours later Major Overman arrived at the 4077th. He was told what Hawkeye had done and wasn't happy about that at all. The knowledge that your verdict may be a matter of life or death is not very optimistic.  
  
"Hawkeye, wake up. You have a visitor." BJ gently shook his shoulder.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"Hawkeye, let me have a look at your eyes, shall we?"  
  
Hawkeye sat up on his cot, evidently puzzled.  
  
* "Now Hawkeye, cover your eyes." Overman said as he put off the bandages from Hawkeye's eyes. "Now slowly open your eyes." Hawkeye slowly opens his eyes and moves his hands a bit farther. "So?" Overman asks anxious to find out the condition of Hawkeye's eyesight. *  
  
"Why are my wrists bandaged?"  
  
They all sighed a huge sigh of relief. "Your eyes are alright, you can keep your nickname." Overman smiled at Hawkeye.  
  
"Bu-but why are my wrists bandaged?"  
  
"Hawkeye ..." BJ was now feeling a little uncomfortable.  
  
Suddenly it dawned on Hawkeye what he had done. He open his eyes wide, horrified by the whole thing. "BJ, tell me I haven't done this."  
  
"You have." BJ admitted sadly.  
  
"I wanted to take my life." Hawkeye couldn't believe this. He, who was so devoted to any human life, wanted to take his own life.  
  
"Hawkeye, will you be fine?" BJ asked him carefully. Hawkeye nodded slowly. "Promise me, you'll never do that again."  
  
"I will try my best not to do that but I can't give you that promise." Hawkeye replied to BJ seriously as he approached the window overlooking the compound and a bunch of staff chasing after Frank Burns.  
  
* "This is the best view I have ever had."  
  
"Congratulations. You're lucky."  
  
"It was a lucky thing. First I got a chance to see without my eyes, and then I got them back * but above all I have a friend who cares about me and saved my life. Thank you BJ." 


End file.
